“We’re really good in the beginning,” says my friend Tim during one of our weekly morning sessions.
Tim and I get together each Tuesday to talk about how we can build the lives of our dreams. We discuss the energetic brain drain of the modern world of consulting. We explore ways to bottle up our gifts and creative talents (‘productizing’ for the jargon-lovers) so that people can benefit from them without leaving us devoid of time, energy and the light in our hearts.
We’re tired. And we both share the same astrological sign. “We’re really good in the beginning,” he says of being an Aries. And perhaps it has nothing to do with the zodiac, but more the fact that we are cut from similar cloth. Either way, hearing someone else say those words was like a permission slip to be myself.
It freed me up to own the fact that I love diving into a new idea, project or product, but the moment it becomes a routine part of my work life I start to die inside – a little bit everyday. It starts to feel like a betrayal of my dreams when I find myself building an empire for someone else. Why? Because I put on their shoes, their thoughts and their dramas each day. I go all in. It’s in my nature.
Today, consulting isn’t understood or respected as it once was. Today most consultants are actually independent contractors donning the title of a more highly paid icon of the past. We’ve become out-of-house employees with none of the benefits, boundaries or vacation time.
Instead, today’s teachers and coaches are yesterday’s consultants. Tim and I sit and ponder how to bridge that gap to a more sustainable life rather than being the errand boys and girls of businesses in dire need of dedicated labor. We want to teach people to fish. But we don’t want to falsly promise them the “keys to success” like most of the information marketing garbage out there. How do we make a real, positive impact (and an income) without selling our souls to the pipeline of contractor work?
The question remains open. As I awoke this morning to the familiar veil of depression – the one that comes along when I’ve unhinged myself from my integral foundation – I started to wonder If I’ve asked the question so many times, heard the answer but failed to take God seriously…like maybe God was joking:
Commit. Build. Do your own thing. Bring light to the world your own way. Stop doing this to yourself. Be good in the beginning. Be you. Be okay with it. Don’t feign interest. You are enough. You have plenty to offer. Here are a thousand brilliant ideas. Pick one.
Imagine a sprinter trying to run marathons. At mile 1 there’s some resistance. By mile 5 you’ve gotten into a nice stride. But inevitably mile 7 rolls around and suddenly you start to ask yourself why you’re doing this. When the will and determination diminishes, it’s game over. Now imagine trying to finish the marathon at this point. You start to separate from your body. You pull out in front, turn around, grab yourself by the arms and start to drag this lead-filled deadweight behind you. It begins to feel heavier and heavier – to be outside of yourself dragging a lifeless physical mass. You might cross the finish line, and people will probably cheer, but nobody knows the pain it took to get there, and that it was only your ego making that valiant leap across mile 26.2. You weren’t built for this.
When I sat down at the piano in the afternoon, I decided to start halfway through the piece I’m working on so that maybe one day I’ll know how to play the end of it. I hear Tim’s voice again. We’re really good in the beginning.
If I start in the middle maybe I can get there. If I play life bar by bar, with both hands, just one measure at a time if that’s all I can do, maybe I can find peace and a sense of accomplishment.
Maybe this is maturity speaking, but in this moment I realize I don’t want to “do it all” anymore. I want to be intentional, thoughtful, and EXCELLENT at the few things I choose to set my heart to. Even if my heart is only set there for one short mile.
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