Clinging onto self control
It gloms on tight to become whole
Somehow it always finds my soul
Because I play a different role
Because I’ve danced within its shadows
Watching loved ones lose tomorrows
Because it’s won so many battles
And left me swimming in the shallows
Without the love I thought I needed
Without protection from the faded
Searching for a softer landing
Tired of saving and defending
At times I feel totally surrounded
Unable to freely escape the blinded
Darkened by their deepened darkness
Crushed when it renders them so helpless
Addiction clings to self control
It clings to me to become whole
Until I learn to free my soul
From the way it’s played a role
within my life up until now
and made me magnetic to its pull
I see the patterns around me still
But want to respect each one’s free will
Not to be ill with their disease
To make my way just how I please
And drop the painful wounds I keep
From watching my dears as they struggled to sleep
From watching breakfast be a drink
To seeing my family further sink
Into a sadness so depleting
There wasn’t a way to escape repeating
I know I cannot win the war
Against these things that I abhor
I ask now just for peace of mind
So I can leave these traumas behind
And drop the judgment of my friends
and stop attracting fraying ends
To find a way to make amends
With an affliction that begins as soon as it ends.
Amen.
I want to know that I can sleep
Safe and sound with the love I keep
I want to feel like I can let go
Knowing someone else is in control
Knowing someone else is carrying the load
Someone to join me along this road
Hold my hand and love me deep
And keep me safe as I go to sleep
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